“Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions”. (1)
Anyone who has attempted to quit smoking or caffeine will tell you how hard it is. The body craves the chemicals but it is the habits, the first cup of coffee in the morning, the cigarette as you drive to work, these are even harder to break. They will not be broken until the individual is truly ready to let go.
For many football is the last great addiction. Quitting almost impossible.
Prior to the 2001/2 season Sir Alex Ferguson announced that he would be retiring as Manchester United when the season ended. He changed his mind continuing for more than a decade before finally retiring. He is by no means alone. Harry Redknapp and Neil Warnock never appear to be able to stay away from one more managerial role. What will it take for these men to finally quit?
For football managers the lure is apparent. The glory. The trophies. The challenge. The adulation. The money.
Most of these factors only truly apply at the very top end of the game. Much of this is not on the table for the Sunday morning schemers. Those who receive very little pay or are volunteers, supporting youth and grass roots football, they do not get the glory, trophies or money. Why don’t they walk away? There is more to it than the presence of their own children, I know of a club secretary whose child left the club almost ten years ago. They remain as dedicated as ever.
In the last year quitting has crossed my mind. The thought has lingered and swirled around for a few days but ultimately dissipated. Only to return some weeks later and dissipate again. This led to the final question, what would it take for me to actually quit? To walk away from coaching?
“A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.” (2)
The result of the question, besides soul searching and introspection, was a number of interesting conversations with other coaches. Some of whom have walked away from the game and then returned later, some much later, on their own terms.
One factor that was mentioned or touched upon by the majority were the parents. Parents are an easy target when it comes to junior football, be it grass roots or academy. Some deserve a bad report, but not all do. Every player who has succeeded will undoubtedly owe a great deal to parents and family. There are other parents whose conduct has left their child feeling embarrassment. It is not the cliche of the pushy parent that drives coaches away. The issue is when they are blinkered, only focused on what they want for their child, sometimes against what is actually best for their child’s development and often to the detriment of the development of the other children within the group.
I have been very fortunate that, barring a few minor conversations, I have not had clashes with parents. However, I have witnessed other coaches really suffer. Receiving barrages of emails on all manner of subjects. While technology has many advantages one disadvantage is that it is too easy to fire off a quick message without putting any real thought into what is being said or the effect of those words. That is not to say that coaches are perfect in what they say or do, but it is often forgotten that coaches are human beings with lives, thoughts and emotions of their own.
As coaches we are rightly encouraged to remember this when it comes to our players. Do the players remember this when it comes to their coaches? Of course the different ages will show different levels of awareness, yet it is hard to escape the feeling that there are players who are only interested in serving themselves within any particular moment.
Personally I view this as a challenge and part of my role as a coach, certainly not a reason to give up. It is my job to develop the players to be the best they can be, which includes a developing them as a human being.
The picture changes when a group go beyond challenging. Over the last few years a particular group within a school have pushed the boundary being challenging and that terrible word, uncoachable. As coaches we are used to the fact that there will be one or two players who are more difficult to get to fully engage in sessions. We accept that and work around it. When that number increases to the stage where it is seven out of fifteen, it really stretches patience and skills. Multiple coaches have struggled with the group, which is reassuring in one respect but troubling in another. More coaches are required to manage the group, but the resources are not currently available. When discussing the quitting question with coaches one suggested that the day he dreads a session is the day he gives up. I admit that each week I dread this particular session. I consider giving up the session, but not coaching altogether. Yet I do not give it up, because I do not want to be a coach who gives up on these kids. Each week I regroup, take a deep breath and try again.
“Never give up on anybody.” (3)
A different player related issue is a term that used to be thrown around by managers and chairmen as they departed their roles. “Taken the club as far as they can”. In the coaches case, “taken the players as far as they can”. There can come a point where the voice of the coach, his words, his message no longer have the impact they once did. It is not fun anymore. There can be multitude reasons for this. The methods and ideas of the coach were more suited to the players when they were younger. The coach has run out of sessions. More likely, familiarity has meant that what once seemed fresh and full of impact has now become stale. The players are sick of the sight of the coach and the coach is sick of the sight if the players. The relationship eroded, fun sapped away and replaced by a battle of wills. The situation may not degenerate quite that far, but eventually a coach may wonder how much more they can get out of a particular group of players. That thought has certainly entered my head. After three and a half seasons, I wonder if it would be best for myself and the players if I moved on? Not moved on from the game but on to a different age group.
It would take an extreme circumstance for the players to be the reason to leave coaching. Perhaps a violent act? Yet I have witnessed and prevented such acts in the past. At a drop in session for over sixteens two players got into an argument. One left, only to return fifteen minutes later armed with a hammer. Fortunately I was able to prevent him entering the area and persuaded him to go home, hammer and all. I eventually gave up the session, but it did not make me think I should leave coaching.
No, it is not players or parents who would ultimately cause me to leave. I will walk away when the dream goes out.
Every human being is different. They have different wants. Different needs. Different passions. Different motivations. Many coaches became coaches because their child wanted to play football, that was not and is not my motivation. My motivation comes from a love of the game, it is one of the few things I have ever been truly devoted to. When I was young my love of the game was different, I wanted to know about the tactics. I wanted to know about the techniques. I fell out with school coaches because I felt they were not actually helping us get better or were being lazy with our sessions. I look back and those coaches who we felt were not very good at the time did us a huge favour. We had to be self taught. Not only did they do me a favour at the time but they have also made a mark on me as a coach. Reminding me that self discovery is of vital importance. Eventually this all came to a head. I looked at English football and thought, I want to help. I want to help develop the next generation of players, to bring through players who excite and win matches. That is the dream. The day I feel it is an impossible task will be the day I walk away.
“Just don’t give up on what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.” (4)
There are always barriers to overcome. New ideas are inevitably met with resistance. Rather than finding reasons to use the ideas the majority will automatically look for the reasons suggestions will not work. I have become notorious at meetings because come any other business I will have an idea or two to push. Some are good, some are bad, some are indifferent. Each time an idea that could make a difference is rejected or takes several months to implement (to the point where it appears the idea has been shelved) the soul grows darker. In this way coaching is no different to other vocations. The dream is not dissolved, the dream just considers going elsewhere, finding a place where it can blossom.
Growing up we all have dreams. Numerous cliched dreams are associated with childhood. Policeman, fireman, astronaut, perhaps even footballer. The dreams change as we grow older, morphing from dreams to ambitions. Eventually life dictates that we let go. As much as there are coaches who at heart want to chase their dreams they feel responsibility to another love. Family. Very few coaches will be able to earn enough money purely from coaching to support a family. This has led to many good people and good coaches being lost to the game. A part of growing up is the realisation that you can not afford to dream anymore.
“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared dream before”. (5)
My dream is not yet extinguished. The fear and doubt raise their heads and stare. I stare back and remember my dreams. Frustrations and challenges will always exist to test the temperament and conviction of anyone who wishes to make a difference. As long as the dreams are brighter than the darkness there will be no quitting.
Onward, ever onward! (6)
(1) Quote attributed to actress Lara Flynn Boyle.
(2) Richard Nixon
(3) Hubert Humphrey
(4) Ella Fitzgerald
(5) Edgar Allan Poe
(6) The title of a hymn by Marian Wendell Hubbard